Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
