I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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