didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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