My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
