Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
40s are totally the cure
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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