i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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