go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone came in the potted fern
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm always down for nudity.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
