I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize