Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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