it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
