i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
