Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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