I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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