oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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