Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
