yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
