Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
