Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
