Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
