This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize