I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize