if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
