o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
