I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
