It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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