My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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