Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
