i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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