There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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