Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
