Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize