I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
