I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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