I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
