Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
