ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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