I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
