winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
