3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
