I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
