and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Randomize
