I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
