Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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