We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
soo... how was my night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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