just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
