break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize