Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
