Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i dont even know how to be here
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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