Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
