Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
