Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
