I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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