I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
