if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You had me at "let me see your balls"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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