hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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