i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
they need to just BURY HIM!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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