Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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