you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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