she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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