Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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