He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
