Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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