Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize