Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I just put wine in my tea
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
