I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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